Good morning! Maude, my almost perfect dog, decided she needed to wake up at 5:30 this morning; so here I sit, having lots of time for catching up on internet silliness with my morning coffee. Following the style of Eventing Nation, one of my favorite websites (I know, eventing?), I thought I'd share some links that made me smile (unlike EN, I run out of ideas after just a handful of links):

Horse Junkies United- this is a great new website for and by amateur riders, blogging away their horse experiences. This particular bit is a good life post, written by Patricia, who happens to work at Ecogold, one of my favorite companies. 

The Real, True, and Unexplainable Rules of Dressage- this should be in the FEI handbook.  

Teaching and Learning: A Shared Responsibility- Catherine Haddad's latest blog. A good one, this applies to you. And me.  

That's about all the time for my morning-browsing, otherwise I'll be late for work. A quick note - yesterday I FINALLY got my work visa stamped into my passport. I'm legal to be working here! Hoorah! Thank you Denmark, I think I'll stay a little longer... 

Well, for many reasons I'm glad Saturday's Rapture prediction was a great big FAIL. I hate to think that my last entry here before the world ended would have been such a downer of a post. What a legacy to leave for the internet browsing Zombie Armies of the Apocalypse...

I was surprised at the response by the post though - I know I'm a pretty positive person, but was it really so shocking that I had a bad day? And that I wrote honestly about it? I do try to be honest here, and that means that when shit hits the fan, I want to be able to say so. Doesn't mean I'm really going to pack it in and take up goldfish training, it just means I had a bad day.

Regardless, it's old news anyway. My grumpy pants have been taken off and I'm a happy camper as usual. It's been a very busy week with Morten gone, with lots of riding. We are short-staffed right now, waiting for our new groom, so it's extra busy for Mircea, the wonder barn-guy/groom, and me. However, we get through the day, the horses get worked, and it beats just about anything else in my opinion. 

Double Up, the big seven year old, is just getting better and better every week. We've made the St George our new goal. We're not entering any shows for it yet, but it's time to raise the bar in training; it's ambitious, and maybe a little bit far-fetched at this point, but the horse can just do stuff! We had some wicked good tempi changes earlier this week, a line of 3's that were energetic, uphill, straight, and quick - he tends to be slow and huge in the canter, so to get him quick and bouncing off the ground is exciting! From this good feeling I went on to 2-time changes, and then even some 1's. I only got up to three 1-time changes before I freaked out and hugged him and called it a day! Seven years old!

My Orange Ponies have been good. Domani pulled off a shoe in his stall, so he's just doing very light work until he gets his pedicure. Countess dazzles me daily in training, and I just can't wait until I figure it out in the competition ring. Mark my words, she's a good one. 

One highlight of my days has been going down to the field to visit that sweet, fugly little man, Denny Crane. I'm so happy to have him here. After his initial shyness, he appreciates all the scratching to be had when I come for a visit. He hasn't forgotten anything either; he'll lift up all four legs for me, he lets me wrap my arms around his belly while I explain that this is where the girth goes, and he still lets me put my hat on him. Waiting another two years for him is going to be a slow torture, but I'm just thrilled that at least I can have him with me and watch him grow up, fugly and all.

Well, despite the doomsday predictions, another busy week starts tomorrow, (hopefully) without any earthquakes, plagues, new wars, or Zombie Armies of the Apocalypse. This means I'd better get some sleep, so I'm ready... just in case.  

Sunday's show sucked. More than that, I sucked. 

I am currently in a state of frustration, with a smack of depression and self-pity hitting me once in a while too. 

There are about 25 different things that may have factored in to the suckiness of the show: rain, wind, and crap footing to name a few. Oh, and it was our first outdoor of the year.  However, I've always had limited patience for those who are quick to make excuses.

"A person was talking and disrupted my focus." "That jerk opened his umbrella!" "There was a dog barking/walking/running/pooping beside the ring." "Children. At. A. Dressage. Show." "It was raining in Mexico." Or, my favorite, "the judge is just an idiot/asshole."

All of these things stink of poor sportsmanship. Sure, we've all thought a few of these things, but keep it to yourself! At the end of the day, a dressage test is supposed to show a harmonious dance between a rider and her submissive, brilliant horse.  This is the ideal, but often reality gets in the way, shaped as any of these problems. But it is the rider's responsibility to have a submissive horse. 

At the show I had brilliant, and I had submissive. Unfortunately, not on the same horse or in the same test. The judge noticed. 

Countess was actually amazing. I was able to push for more with her staying rideable and adjustable. It still wasn't enough to dazzle the judge, we put him in a boring, safe "6" kind of mood. 

Domani was so pleased to be outside and wanted to know what everything was, and make sure everyone noticed his big, sexy, orange self. He was never naughty, just distracted. More importantly, he was as fancy and brilliant and exciting as he has ever been. He was letting everyone know that he is secretly a Grand Prix horse, and I've just dumbed him down for the St George. 

I went in to the test and felt unstoppable. His trot was pretty frickin amazing up until he noticed something on the hill and really needed to look at it as our volte was supposed to turn into a half-pass. Doh! Two moves down the crapper in one moment of disobedience. Then our walk was a little tense, maybe because the arena border was being blown down along the long side, or because I just didn't have him focused and relaxed enough. As we did our canter half-passes past the sudden arena crew putting our ring back together, I had enough focus to already be planning the upcoming pirouettes. If nothing else, I made good on those suckers. The flying changes, always a highlight with Domani, were good except the first of the 3's, where I goofed and he was late in front. Then I started counted wrong after that… you get the idea. 

On the walk back to the van, while the wind blew the rain sideways under my jacket and hat, I had time to reflect on all the idiotic little mistakes I made. When Sarah asked me how I felt about the ride, I said, "I'm not happy."  We agreed that I had too many little mistakes, along with some big ones, but still the judge's score of 57+% left us a little shocked. The trot felt so good I thought I would make up some there but his scores were mediocre at best. However, once I saw the video I could see where my marks came from. 

As I said, Domani was at his most brilliant and fancy, with legs flying, back swinging, poll up high… and then he'd just want to peek at something and I'd have to give a little bending aid to bring him back with me before he got his head too high and hollowed. It felt like little adjustments, or at least I only considered them little adjustments, but when I saw the video I can see the unsteadiness in the contact that earned me lower scores. 

So since I can't blame the judge for not loving me, and I can't blame my amazing horses for performing to the level of their rider,  I can only be mad at myself for stupid mistakes that a better rider would have avoided. In retrospect I probably should have ridden him in a deeper frame throughout the entire test, keeping a slightly stronger contact to ensure steadiness, sacrificing a little bit of up & open self-carriage rather than sacrificing submission & steadiness. 

Then to add insult to injury, clients came today for my two orange wonders, and both horses looked amazing for Morten, and then amazing for the clients. I couldn't even watch without feeling like an idiot, so I went and washed feed mangers. 

Really, there are days where I wonder if I will EVER get it. I know I have days where I feel like I'm making huge progress and I have a magical connection with every single horse on the planet. But days like yesterday, where I put my ignorance on full public display, just make me shake my head and wonder if I should look into a career change, probably one where I would say, "do you want fries with that?" since I'm not feeling qualified for much else… 

Okay, the pity party is over. The seven horses I rode today were all pretty darned good for a Monday, and even if I'm sometimes an idiot, I still get to ride horses for a living, and that's amazing and lucky and I am grateful for the chance to do it. 

Besides the next show is in two weeks and It. Will. Be. Better. I have such great horses to work with and I just need to bring myself up to their level, not bring them down to mine. I'll get there. 

I returned Wednesday night from an absolutely amazing holiday in France. Unexpectedly, I fell completely in love with the country and would move there in a heartbeat. My new amour could have been influenced by the perfect, sunny weather we had every day, or the perfect, delicious wine we had every day? Whatever the cause, I'm a smitten kitten for the country. 

Now that I'm 'home' it's back to work. As usual, a vacation refreshed me and let me ride more focused and determined upon return. All the horses have been fantastic! It might also have to do with  Morten riding "my" horses while I was away; I think I should leave more often!

There have been a few changes during my absence: We have a few new horses in training, which shakes things up and makes it interesting. My four 3 year old colts are now geldings and have been kicked out to the field for the summer, not to see a saddle again until the autumn. And the best news of all, the Fugly Truck dropped of my orange baby, Denny Crane! Yay!! I'm so happy he's here. He is absolutely, completely butt-ugly as only a yearling can be. But he's still charming and friendly, with big, soft eyes. When he's not getting chewed on by Morten & Sarah's huge yearling, Denny Crane will come slowly over for a scratch and snuggle. I know I already said it, but YAY!

Tomorrow I ride Domani and Countess in Prix St George, round 2. I have watched the videos of the last show repeatedly and am still so mad at myself for 1) stupid mistakes with Domani, and 2) riding like an old woman again on Countess. The good thing about being angry with myself is it makes me ride better, more focused - at least at home. We'll see tomorrow if it makes me better in the competition ring!

Yesterday I ran through the tests with Morten's help; if I can ride them the same at the show I will be happy. Today they will just have light, easy days with lots of stretching and transitions. Otherwise I have the day off (luxury after a vacation!) but lots to do. So I'd better get at it. 

Au revoir! 

To be around! (get your mind out of the gutter!)

I had such a nice, if quick, weekend trip to Verden, Germany. I met up with Lisa and Howard of Hillock Dressage Horses (home of the amazing Davignport!) at the Hanoverian auction, where we saw many nice horses, but not the Perfect One. 

Lisa and Howard were absolutely wonderful, fun company! While having breakfast at the Bremen hotel Sunday morning, Howard was telling a great story about his trip to the 2008 Olympics, where, while spectating, he caught a loose horse on the cross-country after his rider had taken a spill. At the conclusion of his tale, a man sitting at the table next to us said, "sorry to interrupt, but that was a fantastic story!" Turns out this man was another American, with no connection to horses, and an easy conversation followed. 

This simple, casual interaction made me a little homesick for the simplicity of being in (North) America. I know it's largely because I was never truly fluent in German, and I'm not even close to understanding Danish, that I often feel a little bit on the outside, looking in, during my time over here. That's not to say I'm unhappy or ever have been for more than brief moments. I'm genuinely glad to be here; I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I'm certainly not ready to pack my bags and head back "home." 

However, I will let myself say that I miss the ease of North American culture. I understand it, I can fit in without it being a exhausting effort.

Now after saying that, I'll go on to tell how I met some great new people (from Denmark!) this weekend and also caught up with some Germans that I know. So it was a great social event, as well as a horse event.

It was very interesting being more active as an auction participant instead of just spectating as I've done in the past. Speaking with the auction vet, riders and grooms, trying horses, doing our own physical exams the horses, and deciding on budgets, it was all a very interesting process. While we didn't leave with anything, it was still great. The prices were low, it was really a buyer's auction with a lot of good bargains to be had. I expect quite a few of the horses will be on the market again after a little more training. 

Now it's time for sleep as I've got to get back to work tomorrow. As nice as some of the horses in Verden were, I've got a barn full of AWESOME to work with! Lucky, lucky, lucky me!