This weekend is a relaxing weekend off for me. Not too often that happens, but when it does I always think about all the things I should be doing, but instead I usually just laze about. I frustrate myself with this, but also allow myself this luxury of laziness. Especially now with my shoulder being nothing but annoying.

Yesterday I had my second shoulder injection in 8 days, my third to date. My first injection gave me complete relief for about 2 weeks, maybe 3 weeks, then the pain started again. The second injection was given on a Tuesday and Sunday I was almost in tears. Not so much from the pain, which was pretty intense, but just the frustration. 

I hate how I'm riding when I have pain. When the horses get a little strong, and they all do sometimes, I am not able to handle it the way I want or need to. I'm riding defensively, protecting myself, and it's not pretty or helpful, or useful.  It's ugly.

I've been told I need to take time off and rest my shoulder. I have holidays scheduled for October and again in November, when I come to North America, and though I am usually busy with clinics, this is downtime for me, resting time. Meanwhile, I don't want to take time off. I love my job, I feel like I have the opportunity of a lifetime, and I am afraid of showing weakness or incapability.

Everyone in this business is replaceable. From stall cleaners and grooms, to riders and trainers. If one isn't working you can always find another. Maybe some people are harder to replace than others, but there is always another warm body capable of doing the job in some capacity. It's hard to see yourself in this light, but it's true. I don't want to be replaced!

I'm scheduled for an MRI in 10 days. Talking with my doctor, I have been given the worst case scenario, and also other, less upsetting possibilities.  I'm trying not to waste my nerves speculating what the doctors might see from the MRI, I'm just looking forward to having answers and making some sort of concrete plan to get over this. 

But enough of that, lets talk about something more interesting.

My friend Julia was out last week for a visit and the majority of our time was spent at the Bundeschampionate, the German Championships for Young Horses (and Ponies!!). This is such a huge show, both in the sheer number of equine athletes and the size of the show grounds. It is quite impossible to see everything you want, even if you limit yourself to only one discipline. They offer dressage, jumping, eventing, and driving. The dressage/riding horse classes are offered from 3 years old until 6 year old horses & ponies, the jumping and eventing are for 5 & 6 year olds. (Not sure about the driving?) That is a LOT to try to take in, never-mind the shopping opportunities, and the socializing that has to be done. The 5 and 6 year old dressage classes are often running at the same time as the 3  & 4 year old Riding Horse classes (it's dressage). So you have to choose, do you check out the newest kids on the block or the older kids on their way to bigger sport? It doesn't matter what you watch, someone will always tell you about an amazing horse you didn't see. Regardless of what you catch and what you miss, it's absolute eye-candy for the horse lover. 

Ingrid was of course there and I would have to guess the busiest competitor at the show. She rode 3 horses in 4 divisions: 3 year old Riding Horse mares & geldings (with a Westfalen mare by Damon Hill x Rubin Royal), 5 year old Dressage (with the Westfalen stallion Dresden Mann), 5 year old Jumping (with Trakehner gelding Parmenides) and 5 year old Eventing (again, Parminides). She did herself, her owners, and her horses proud, winning the 3 year old mares & geldings class, getting the bronze in eventing, placing well in the jumping and dressage classes. This is also only a week or so after winning the German Eventing Championships with Braxxi and ensuring her place on the Team for the upcoming European Championships in two weeks time. She is unbelievable, that Ingrid.

Well, just talking about Ingrid's crazy schedule has exhausted me, so I'd better get back on the couch. I will spend the day reading and thinking about what a bad person I am for not going to the gym. And maybe I'll eat some (more) icecream. 

Happy weekend.

Eiren 

Today, my goal while riding the Super Stallion was to do the one- and two-tempi changes with a smile on my face, without making mistakes. Harder than it sounds, but it really felt like dancing when I got it right.

The totally focused "dressage face" is not a pretty one. I'm sure I'm looking severly constipated or just plain old pissed off most of the time when I'm riding, and I know I'm not the only one who looks like this. So when I'm able to, I remind myself to try to look like I'm having fun and enjoying myself. I love, love, love what I get to do for a living, I love the horses who are so generous while they teach me, and even the horses I don't love riding every day make me a better rider and a better person. With this in mind, I try to balance the focus and seriousness required to make progress in the training of both myself and the horse, with the ability to let some of this inner joy peek through to the surface. 

It's pretty dorky sometimes, but by "forcing" myself to smile, it takes away the negative tension in my body and helps the horses feel how much I enjoy this too.  And no, there was no one around to see either my fabulous flying changes or my silly expression. Better that way :)

Cheers,

Eiren